Half Moon Talk | Middle Age Mother: The Birth of a "New Species"!



Half Moon Talking Report Qiu Yi Wang Ying Liao Jun Zheng Tianhong

I don't know when, a female group has become a high-frequency word for net posts and friends. They often flaunt their "decathlon" and often worry about "all kinds of troubles"; they often complain that "baby is bitter" and frequently vomit "not a strong pig teammate"…

They come from different families, work in different occupations, have different looks and hobbies, but they all have a common name – "middle-aged mother"

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Tearing anxiety: the helplessness behind "roaring childcare"

The first second of the cartoon Mengbao, after a second incarnation of the fire-breathing Tyrannosaurus Rex; the first minute also meditation "the biological" "to the Buddha, have love", and soon from the mother Ci Zixiao into a chicken flying dog jump…

Parenting is the heart of every "middle-aged mother"; the results are even their emotional barometer. If the child can still rely on the ancestors to "take the hand" in early childhood, the school age will directly enter the "pushing mother mode", both the "old mother" urgently to do the heart stent tragedy, but also the "good news" ".

Poor parents in the world. According to a survey report released by the Shanghai Women's Federation, nearly 90% of women expect their children to have at least a bachelor's degree, and more than one-fifth of them hope that their children can graduate.

Click on the "Basic Allocation of an Old Mother in the Compulsory Education Stage" and other hot posts. Even if you graduate from Tsinghua University or Ivy League University, you will suddenly fall into a panic.

You must not only do a variety of skills such as tabloids, solving math problems, English six or even eight, but also well-informed, and have close ties with teachers and cows, but also have 365 days to follow. A strong heart that keeps squatting, urging, and supervising behind the family.

During this time, Ms. Zhou, who works in a public institution in Wuhan, was suffering from endocrine disorders and eye congestion due to the decline in her second son's performance. “When I go to the hospital, the doctor makes me feel calm, but it is too difficult for me.”

"The test scores are not mentioned. The children don't even copy their homework every day. I call other parents about the homework almost three or four times a week."

Ms. Zhou reluctantly told reporters about half a month that she was tossing and turning around almost every night. She didn’t think about what to eat tomorrow, what new clothes to buy, what kind of cosmetics to pull grass, but: “Why is the other’s family’s martial arts and martial arts, and the ancient and modern, My family doesn't even remember what to do with my homework?"

Full-time old mother is not easy. Ms. Wang, a graduate of a prestigious university and versatile, has a career in her youth and only needs children in her 30s. When she became a mother 8 years ago, she quit her job and devoted herself to the care and education of her children.

"When I was a professional woman, I basically didn't even have a meal. Every day, I was dressed in glamorous and delicate makeup. When I was a full-time mother, it was completely another state. Every day, I used rice, oil, and diapers, but for the sake of children, I felt value. ."

“The middle-aged mother is not so much a self-identity of a female group as it is a helpless self-monitoring.”

Associate Professor Shen Yufei, director of the Family Development Research Center of Fudan University, said that an "old" character reflects the insufficiency of the power, and also expresses the age of the young and middle-aged women in the face of rapid development, changing with each passing day, and higher standards of childcare needs. I don't know how to do better anxiety.

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Difficult balance: “walking the tightrope” in the family and workplace

A middle-class woman working in a famous obstetrics and gynecology hospital in Shanghai described her every day: she became a dog in the unit, and always put the WeChat of the unit leader and the school teacher at the top, for fear of missing important instructions; I thought it was down. The class can go back to the comfort zone and relax. I didn't expect it to be the beginning of another more terrible battle.

All the way to meditation can not bring the pressure of the unit to the home, but the encounter with an unreliable baby can not help, explain 3 times still do not understand, the heart has completely collapsed.

The middle school girl who said that she felt that “every day is walking a tightrope” said that middle-aged women are not easy. “In the face of increasingly fierce workplace competition, more and more family responsibilities, no self, no entertainment, no rest, medium The origin of the old mother is worth reflecting."

A working woman talked to reporters about half a month after watching the movie "Find You":

"Everyone thinks that mother is not a profession. As long as it is a woman, it seems that she can be a mother. But many people think that you are single-minded and committed to work, and you think that you are not a good mother. The positioning of traditional culture and social concepts on female characters is very important for modern women. Psychological stress."

The reporter told the reporter in half a month that "tired" became the self-standard of the "middle-aged mothers." Limited energy, not only do white-collar workers, but also do a good housewife, but also have a part-time "family teacher"… Many "old mothers" are entangled in the laughter and said that they are "seriously dragged down" by the family. Value and career development have higher expectations.

Ms. Wuhan hopes that she can achieve success in her family and career. "Looking at a lot of people who are younger than me have been promoted, saying that I don't admire that is a lie. But it is too difficult to be able to do both." Ms. Zhou said.

Ms. Wang of Guangzhou also wants to find a suitable job, but others refuse to hire when she sees her years of workplace blanks. Therefore, she had to put all her thoughts into the children. Her requirements for children are almost harsh:

The child is already very good in the eyes of others. She is still not satisfied. The child is slightly disobedient. She is furious and hysterical, and the whole family is very nervous.

"There are some old and young, and the tears on middle-aged women are particularly serious." Liu Wenrong, an associate researcher at the Institute of Sociology of the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences, said that this phenomenon is more prominent in big cities such as Beijing and Shanghai. The rhythm of the city itself is very busy, and the reference standards for life, career, and children's achievements are getting higher and higher, and the pressure is more transmitted to middle-aged women.

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Expected gentleness: more social support and protection

In the online hot post "The middle-aged mother's 2018 tie-up summary, after watching the laugh and live…", a "middle-aged mother" said: "The boat is very bumpy, but I have been using powerful The ability to control it!" She made such a New Year's wish: the wallet is a little drum, the child is a little bit, the husband is a little faster, I am more beautiful…

Relevant experts believe that the increasing recognition of “middle-aged mothers” highlights the intensification of various “unbalances”: family imbalances mean that working mothers are too busy to work hard to care for their families; career imbalances refer to full-time mothers taking care of their families and raising their children. And have to put aside the cause; psychological imbalance refers to the generation of comparative anxiety in comparison with others.

This requires the society to give more acceptance and care to this female group, so that they can have more choices and return paths in their careers and families, so that women can correctly understand themselves and better balance themselves.

Su Jiasheng, a family education guidance expert in Liaoning Province, recommends that middle-aged women first need to care for themselves and understand their real needs. Only they can satisfy their needs first, feel a sense of security, belonging, and sense of accomplishment. They have self-worth and strong inner strength. In order to further meet the needs of family members including children.

Liu Wenrong and other sociologists believe that the role of society in women should be more scientific, pluralistic, and tolerant, and through effective means to change the status quo of fathers' "missing" in many families.

Shen Yufei said that today's society gives women a high standard of positioning, for example, both gentle and firm, both focused and versatile. In the absence of support from the family service industry, this will cause the majority of women to fall into the dilemma.

Full-time mothers need better legal protection, and working mothers need more social support. If the time gap between the end of maternity leave and the beginning of child care services cannot be resolved, it will be difficult for a woman to strike a balance between family and work, no matter how hard she works.


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